I'm struggling right now with my postpartum recovery. I see pictures of these beautiful, well put together moms that are showing off their six pack two months after having a baby. I'm not going to lie, I wish I was like that. Instead of being thrilled that I can fit into my pre-pregnancy pants, I focus on the flap of skin that hangs over the top. Instead of being thankful that I was able to work out pretty hard during my pregnancy, I focus on how much I've lost during that time.
I don't think I expected to come back better than ever, but it has been harder than I anticipated. The things I was so looking forward to upon my arrival back are now hard for me. A lot of my friends would tease me toward the end of pregnancy with statements like, "Man, you're going to be popping out pull ups and muscle ups like they're nothing after having the baby." If you were one of the people who said something like this to me, don't feel bad! I believed that too! If I was able to do some of those things while 9 months pregnant and 40 pounds heavier, it only makes sense that it would be easy after having the baby and losing the baby weight. I'm here to tell you that it is not. The first two weeks of working out after the baby I felt so proud of myself. For where I was at, I was kicking butt in WODs. More so than I expected. But about a week and a half ago, something happened. I can't pinpoint it. I don't know if I pushed too hard in a workout that I thought I should have crushed or what, but that spark of feeling good about my recovery disappeared. Like, completely. Maybe I expect too much out of myself. In fact, I KNOW I do but it is so hard to know how far I have come and the obstacles I endured on my fitness journey, to not expect more out of myself right now when I'm capable.
Realization: I JUST had a baby. Two months ago. And while my mind thinks that's adequate time to be back where I was before pregnancy, my body has other plans.
I am not that new mom on Instagram that had a c-section two weeks ago and is running six miles a day. I'm not even the same mom I was after I had baby number 1 when things were easier. My body is different. My mentality is different. The only thing I can really do is trust the process and stop comparing myself to others. Trust the process and not set my expectations of myself ridiculously high.
I may be grumpy that things aren't going the way I wish they would, but I just have to keep showing up. Keep putting in the work. It's not a race to see how quickly I can confidently wear a bikini in public (The answer to that is "never", by the way). My whole purpose for working out the way I do and striving to make healthy choices day in and day out is to be fit for life. That is why I named the blog that, after all. I want to be fit for life to be able to play with my kids and future grand kids and hike with my husband all over the place when he retires. I'm not doing this for a season, a competition, a race. Like my coach, Becky, says "I'm preparing for the body I want when I'm 80." THAT is the goal: FIT 4 LIFE.
A special thanks to Coach Kristin for making me remember.